Fearlessness

I don't believe I'll ever cease to be amazed by the fact that I'm living in New York.  It's not the simple fact that I'm living in the New York City that amazes me. There are 8.2 million people who do it everyday. It's obviously very do-able. What amazes me is why I'm here, and how I got to be here.

By the COMPLETE grace of Jehovah.

I've been told, as well as commented to others, that my life is like a movie.

Right now I'm sitting in the lobby/common room of the Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program (GMTWP) on the 2nd floor of Tisch, allowing the wonder of it all to sink in. Classes begin in 27 days and I could not be more excited about diving into 2 years of grueling creativity, critique, and collaboration. 

Initially, I was terrified because, let's be honest, I have no idea what I'm doing. My Dad and I laugh about it regularly. My class was asked to write a 250 word bio for general "get to know you" information and I think my word count stopped at 45. The first 30 words or so explained where I'm from, (no where and everywhere) and the last 15, my education. News Flash: I'm only 23 and I'm not a prodigy. In other words, normal.

Then, in conversation with my future classmates, I discovered that everyone felt the same way. Even those who have had far more experience than I felt intimidated by the program. 

It was then that I was struck with a beautiful revelation: I have no reason to be afraid.
I've decided to fight for a mindset based on fearlessness, which, when you think about it, is simply an extension of Jehovah's love.

1 John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears punishment has not been perfected in love." (ESV)

Failing at something is punishment enough for a perfectionist such as I. But when I allow the love of the Father to define my worth, the desire to prove myself to the world around me vaporizes. This freedom allows me to focus on the joys of creativity, exploration, discovery, and personal growth. If I entered into the program expecting to produce masterpieces or hoping that I wouldn't write terrible drafts... I wouldn't need to be here. I'm choosing not to be afraid of failure but look forward to what that failure will teach me. So, really, it's not failure at all!

In the big picture, it's not about me. I'm in this program because this is where Jehovah lead me to be. I have no idea how He will eventually use it for His glory. I'm not here because I want to learn how to be a famous Musical Theatre bookwriter. I have no expectations as far as what is going to happen when the program is all said and done. All I know is that I'm going to have the time of my life learning how to do what the Lord gave me a passion for! I'll find out what to do with it later.

Fearlessness, living in the perfect love of the Father... how else can I say it? IT'S SO GOOD.