Breaking Through the Mundane

Last Tuesday marked five weeks in New York. Since I last blogged, not a great deal has happened. I've met several very interesting people, a few homeless, one a Greek/Armenian-French guy by the name of Yachel who works at a fitness center in the wee hours of the morning, a few people from Hillsong NYC... Tonight, some random fellow, David, who split half a pound of Lychee fruits with me while sitting on a stoop on 12th street. And although this has all been very interesting and exciting, it's been a struggle not to fall into the mundane.

I've only been here five weeks, but it feels like so much longer. It's so easy to feel swallowed by life in such a mass of people. It's just like any other place in the world where you have a routine. Work, Eat, sleep, repeat. In the repetition, I feel as if my spirit falls asleep. In a matter of days I forget all that Yahweh has blessed me with and I feel aimless. It's easy to do when you're living to survive.

As I was expressing my needs to Him Wednesday evening while journaling in "the bean" (a coffee shop) I asked him to speak and raise up my spirit. Literally, right after I finished writing that, a song came onto the radio that caught my attention. I'd never heard it before, didn't know who it was by... but God spoke through it. 

Here are the lyrics.

When darkness falls
And surrounds you
When you fall down
When you're scared
And you're lost
Be brave
I'm coming to hold you now
When all your strength has gone
And you feel wrong
Like your life has slipped away

Follow me
You can follow me
And I will not desert you now
When your fire's died out
No one's there
They have left you for dead

Follow me
You can follow me
I will keep you safe
Follow me
You can follow me
I will protect you

I won't let them hurt
They're hurting you, no
Ooh yeah
When your heart is breaking

You can follow me
You can follow me
I will always keep you safe
Follow me
You can trust in me
I will always protect you, my love

Feel my love
Feel my love

I looked up the song later and it turns out it's called "Follow me" by Muse, written about having a baby from the point of view of the father. But for me, it was an answer to my prayer. It gets me thinking too - What does it mean to "follow him"?

I know what the church tells me it means to follow Jesus. It's the same explanations of what it means to be a Christian. But, as always, saying or understanding a concept is different than where one's heart is. Anytime that I live in fear, I am not trusting Him. When I begin to strive and stress about what "I'm suppose to be doing", I'm not following Him. It just seems to me that if I stop stressing about my financial situation and stop desperately scraping for answers that will fix all of my "problems" and simply turn my eyes towards the beauty of who Jesus is and the goodness of Yahweh, it will all come together!
When I asked God for help, when I asked him to speak into my situation He said "Follow Me". He did not say, "Ok Clara, here's what you need to do: apply for another job" or "Sell all of your things!" He said "Follow me".

Translation: Relax girl, I got you! Just let me take care of it!

The misconception is that when we "wait" on Him to move, we're being lazy. That is living in a works mentality. Do do do do do! Works without Love are nothing. Do what you are called to do. Anything else is being done in your own power and will make you tired. Are our relationships with Him so weak that we do not trust him to actually take care of things? He always comes through and never fails. Maybe not the way we would like him to, but he does. And the thing is, he can't if we don't allow him to. I think many times we think, "Who am I to think that God would provide for me in this way?" The truth is, the Lord wants us to step out in faith that he will provide. He desires to bless us every day! But we first, must have faith! Where do we gain this faith? In the deepening of our relationship with him, in the trust, in the release of our burdens to him. Don't limit Him because of your belief that you're not worth His miracles.

News Flash: God can do anything... He's GOD. Miracles are an easy thing for him. It isn't as if He's going WAY out of His way for you when He provides for your needs. But I believe he allows things to happen so that we draw closer into him. It's all about the relationship.

Ultimately, God is good and always will be. Following him doesn't mean he's going to give me answers of action for me to carry out. It means to sink into relationship with him and trust him, as well as my own ability to hear him, that he will give me a task when he has one for me. Until then, relax, do what ya do, and be in tune with him so that when he does have a task, I will be ready to serve with everything in me!