Anchored

Summer went by just as quickly as I thought it would. I finally feel like living here is normal. I'm so thankful that I moved here as early as I did since it took every minute for me to become comfortable in my new surroundings.

Orientation begins in two days. I'm excited to begin. But more than anything, I'm thankful that I'm beginning classes focused and relaxed.

The truth is, New York City has brought out some negative parts about myself that, in the past, weren't surfaced enough to actually be dealt with. I knew those issues were there, I just never had an environment push me far enough for them to surface.

So much of this city is broken and angry. There always seems to be someone yelling somewhere. Then there are the people who are just inappropriate. My roommate Hannah and I have often laughed about the ways we react to being cat-called and sometimes touched. I've gone from just ignoring it to becoming so annoyed that I've honestly wanted to loudly confront them with not-so-loving words. It's a tough place to live.
(For the women in my life: Seriously, do not be alarmed. I don't need to be protected, it's all more-or-less harmless stuff. It's just annoying. All females who live in the city deal with it.)

I've been tested most at my work place. Confronted with constant negativity, gossiping, complaining, and pretty disgusting humor, I've had a difficult time holding my ground. I would be lying if I told you I didn't cuss at anyone, have a negative attitude, or say negative things about people. I'm far from proud of my actions. I realized I have no reason to blame it on the people around me. My actions are a direct reflection of the condition of my heart. It's my issue. After a while I became very upset with my inability to control what came out of my mouth, as well as the rage that boiled up towards my co-workers. I became extremely mad at a few of the people who encouraged my negative behavior and enjoyed hearing me curse and become angry, finding it entertaining. Each time, my heart would sink a little in disappointment. I would think to myself, "This is not Christ-like at all".

Last night at Hillsong NYC, Pastor Brian talked about two things. His first sermon was about how where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. The Holy Spirit is freedom, He is free to move however he wishes. If there is bondage or fear in a part of your life, invite the Holy Spirit to be there.
The second sermon was about anchoring yourself in him because there is nothing greater than Jehovah. Our hope is anchored in him by to immutable things: His oath and his promise. When an oath is taken, it's taken by a name or a person higher than the person taking the oath. God to an oath with himself because there is no name higher than his own. And because God cannot lie, he cannot break that oath or promise.

I realized that I have not been anchoring myself in him the last few months like I should, nor have I been inviting his Holy Spirit into the areas of my life that were not stable. During worship, Father brought back moments in my life in the form of pictures, reminding me of the heart he gave me, who he made me to be, and how he was with me every step of the way. He showed me image after image, and I felt his peace over me. What is so amazing about Father is that I can mess up, and miss represent, and be unloving, yet he still receives me and sees me as clean and perfect because of Jesus. I wasn't condemned or put in "time out" for my inability to be loving or a good example. He simply reminded me of the goodness in my heart. Overcoming these trials were just part of the process of healing, learning and relearning to anchor myself in Him and his word.

It isn't easy to be like Jesus, especially in this city. My prayer is that He gives me inspiration for new and creative ways to be like Him in this crazy place. The summer is basically over now and a new season is beginning as I dive into the real reason God has me here. I'm thankful that I'm beginning school with the reminder to anchor myself in Him as well as a foundation in an amazing church of loving friends who encourage me in my relationship with Him.  He knows all, His timing his perfect, and everything he does works in my favor, even though I may not understand it.

Hold onto your faith! Take courage and anchor yourself in him! He IS with you!