The Prologue

I've created a blog page because more than one person asked me if I had one. Well, I didn't.

So I made one. *ta dah*

I stopped sharing my thoughts in blog form several years ago because it occurred to me that it was kind of narcissistic. I won't lie, I like the sound of my writing voice much more than my real one.  Blogging, for me, was a weird way of getting attention. I decided against posting notes on facebook anymore since it was a completely unsatisfying waste of energy. The committee in my head would always say things like, "You're trying too hard" or, "You sound stupid" or, "Who are you trying to impress?"  Now, I feel like it's a little different because I'm not doing it for me.

Over the years, I've come across some pretty amazing people. OK, a lot of really amazing people.
There is no possible way for me to keep up with everyone so if anyone wants to know what I'm up to...

BAM!

BLOG

You're welcome.
(kidding)

But really, it takes a lot energy for me to write about myself, you don't even know. This is actually my 3rd attempt at my first blog. What can I say? I'm a perfectionist, and picky. So this will be a good challenge for me.

New York - But God, see... 

I am about 2 1/2 weeks away from moving to the big apple. It hasn't become real to me yet. There are little pockets of realization here and there but I don't think it will truly sink in completely until I am on the plane.

Two weeks goes by so fast. I've sorted my belongings out and cut them down by half. It's about 5 boxes, 2 suit cases, and my guitar. It's all half packed up in a section of my room to be shipped to my new address. A big thanks to my friend Stephen Wilson for helping me with shipping. I've a friend who is going to buy my car and someone looking to buy my chest of drawers. Everything else I'm basically just giving away or throwing away. 

Everything here is slowing down. Ever since April 29th when Yahweh told me I'd be moving in June rather than the end of July, everything has felt a little surreal. A lack of sleep might also be a factor, but we won't talk about that. My point is that I can feel this season coming to a close.

I'd like to point out how amazing God is and how he's kept his promise. Five months ago I had no idea what I was doing with my life in the present. A year ago I was freaking out about where I was going to be and what I would be doing. But the Lord had a lot of healing to do in me before we could move forward with "the plan".

My senior year at Birmingham-Southern College, God shut every door that I was accustomed to walking through. They were the doors that worked the years before. It was an easy, more secure route. However, God had other plans. I wasn't passed through the screening auditions for the South Eastern Theatre Conference (a mass audition for acting jobs) when I had made it through the past two years. I didn't feel lead to move back to Texas, and if anything, I was begging God not to make me go back. Everything felt like a dead end.

Sometimes I see images in my mind that are symbolic of where I'm at spiritually. At that time, I saw myself in a circular room surrounded by doors. And every time I tried to walk through a door it would slam shut. I became so angry and afraid, my spirit went kicking and screaming at each door. "LET ME THROUGH!" (I may have screamed a little in real life too... in my car)

I was forced to sit in this room with nothing, and no where to go. So I figured I'd rebel. I mean, if I had to sit around and wait for Him to do something, I might as well have fun to help the time pass. Right? Keep in mind, rebellion for me is like... having a beer, maybe a cigarette, hanging out with people who weren't good for me. But it didn't take long for me to realize how pointless and empty that was. God sent a few people my way to help me back up from where I'd fallen and point me back to Jesus. That's when I realized that Jesus was standing next to me in that circular room the entire time - his arms stretched out, inviting me to know him. I was so focused on needing a purpose that when a plan wasn't immediately given to me, I turned a cold shoulder to God. I had forgotten who it was for in the first place. 

I graduated May 18th and spent the remainder of 2012 discovering who I am in Christ through a series of painful and humbling situations. I had to deal with issues of my Grandfather's health, car issues, financial issues, couch surfing when I didn't have a place to live, there were several relationship issues (one of which was devastating), and for about three months I was working three jobs. I had a day off maybe once every three weeks and really wore myself out. It was a season where the Lord was building my trust and my faith in him to take care of me, along with many smaller, more specific lessons.

During all of that, the question of graduate school was floating around. In late July/early August I began to work on the twenty page application for New York University, Tisch school of the arts, Graduate Musical Theatre Playwriting program. Honestly, it was the only program I wanted to go to, and the only program that I had enough material to meet the requirements of the application. I worked on it very seriously, going in for counseling every few weeks at BSC's career services. But when November hit and I picked up a 3rd job, I gave up. It was too much to handle. I kept hitting walls in the application. So I threw in the towel and fervently said, "I'm not going. No, I'm not going to graduate school. I can't." 

But then January came around and I was panicking.
There's no way I'm staying here... Gotta get out. GET ME OUT.
I opened the file saved "NYUapp" and studied what I had left. It was due in a month.

I think I can do this.

That week I was given a word that I was suppose to go back to school.

Ok God, help me finish the application.

Every single wall I had hit when I gave up in November? They Fell. The deadline for the application was extended ten days. I completed the final exercise the morning it was due to be post marked, took my flash drive to Kinko's, printed it, bound it, and shipped it. The woman who helped me at the post office told me to thank God, because it was already done - I was going to be accepted. Funny, at the time I wrote it off as just a nice religious thing to say.

But...

One week later I received the email inviting me to applicant weekend at Tisch for an interview. It would determine whether or not I was to be accepted or wait listed. A few weeks went by as I made plans for the trip to Manhattan with my friends Stephen and Jessica. I felt so strongly that it was in God's hands. He had everything under control and it wasn't on me to be accepted to the program. I had FAITH that I would be accepted, not because of me - I didn't think I could do it - but because God promised, and because of all he had done leading up to that point. 

The week before the trip, spirits of anxiety and discouragement tried to come against me. But the Lord reassured me the night before we left and said, "Celebrate! I have it taken care of!" I was SHOCKED. I can't believe he shared that with me! 

That night was Motion night at Church of the Highlands and it just so happened that the Pastor of Hillsong New York came and spoke that night. It also just so happened that I was suppose to work that night but, God, see... had my shift mistakenly covered. So I went. Everything Pastor Carl Lentz said that night spoke to exactly where I was. It was about running for God and occupying your street to make a difference. And as he began to prophesy that God was turning over a new leaf, that everything was about to change and there was no going back, the same vision I had of the circular room from over a year before, came back into my mind. And I saw the Lord throwing open a series of doors in front of me. I began to cry and I praised him!

Long story short, applicant weekend was amazing. The interview was relaxed, enjoyable, and I even got to share a bit of my testimony! I got home and the next day I got the email that I was accepted to the program! I was given a wonderful scholarship and the rest (as far as I know) is going to be taken out in loans. I was shooting for the end of July but then Yahweh had something else in mind. He told me June at the end of April and in the last two weeks, everything has been coming together! My job at The Melting Pot here in Birmingham (which was also a complete God thing) has allowed me to be hired at The Melting Pot in Hoboken N.J. just across the shore. I found a place to live, literally 0.6 miles away from Tisch and a 30 min commute to Hoboken. Not to mention that it's a full year sublet so I don't have to go on the lease. I might not have been approved to go on a lease because of my credit and I couldn't afford to sublet and move every few months.

All of these things seemed so impossible a few months ago, but as a friend of mine would say, "But God, see..."

And this is just the beginning. The reason why I wanted to go to school for Musical Theatre Playwriting in the first place is because Yahweh gave me a vision for a touring theatre ministry. I want to take theatre to a whole new level, and use it for his glory! More detail on that in the future.

I wish I could share more but I'm stretching it as it is. There are so many amazing little details that all point to Father God about the transformation in my heart. But the point is, if you take the limits off of God and trust him, he will work miracles. 

Blessed be the name of the Lord. He is greatly to be praised!