Four Days

Only four more days until I am on the plane headed to New York City, where my life is going to basically be turned upside down. About two weeks ago, I expressed that the reality of moving to New York hadn't hit me.

This week has been a tidal wave.

I was just describing to a friend last night how I'm so all-around exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, that I feel like I've been placed inside an empty coffee can and violently shaken. It's been a rough week. Not bad by any means, just stressful. 



The most difficult thing about this move for me is that I haven't had time to process. It's definitely not a smooth transition. I'll be here Monday, I take a plane Tuesday morning and...

BAM

I'm living in New York.

I desperately need to lean into Father. This last week I have been under attack. It seriously just looks like a string of bad luck (specifically with vehicles). However, I don't believe in "bad luck". The enemy also took a stab at a few of my deepest insecurities. The confidence I have in who I am, how I love, and my excitement about having a new start in New York, all-of-a-sudden turned into fear. That is NOT my loving God.

So here I am, four days from take off, desperately fighting to keep my peace, my confidence, my faith...

But I'm choosing today:
not to be afraid 
not to allow the enemy to make me feel inferior/steal my peace
not to look into the past and play the "should have" or "what if" game
to walk in the love and the confidence I have because of CHRIST
to remember who I serve
and to remember to take off the limits

I refuse to confine GOD to my understanding of him, to "rational thought", or within a structured, legalistic, and organized system of logic or teaching defined by the church.

GOD is GOD and He will move however He pleases. It is not my place to question it, only to follow.

"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements - surely you know!" - Job 38:4-5

I love the last few chapters of the book of Job. Yahweh's voice is very sarcastic. Since sarcasm is something I really relate to, I love it.  It's humorous to me because God is more or less saying, "Silly human, whom I created, STOP ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW THINGS. I WILL DO WHAT I PLEASE BECAUSE I AM GOD AND I CAN."

It's humbling.

So as this new season takes it's turn, as old things die and make room for the new to take it's place, I am reminded, again, of Gods amazing grace, love, and the freedom of simply being His with no expectations of perfection.

"I've got it under control, baby girl. Just enjoy the ride!"