Looking Forward: 2013 into 2014

It never ceases to amazing me how good God is each year. I have been given blessing upon blessing every single year. This coming year, though I already know more or less what I’m going to be doing (school), there are many ways in which I hope to grow and see God move.

Here in New York, I’ve discovered how difficult it is to find alone time with God. It’s true, this city never sleeps. There are people everywhere, all the time. I share a bedroom with someone who does not believe in God, and though she very much respects my faith, I am unable to practice much of my faith in the room the way I’d like to out of respect for her. The most Christian fellowship I am able to find in my life is a couple of hours on Sunday at Hillsong NYC.

When I first moved here, on the second day I just laid on my bed and felt the peace and presence of God all around me. I haven’t really felt him that way since then. The energy of this city is so anxious, nervous, stressed, bitter… it’s so difficult to break through to his peace, especially when I have no where I can go to get alone with him.

All of this information began to sink in near the end of the semester into our winter break when I felt myself starving for his presence in my life. Also, with the heart break of my Grandpapa’s death Wednesday, December 4th, the death of his brother, Vernon, the following Monday, and a few other personal struggles that God has been pulling to the surface of my life, I felt the desperate need to fight for my relationship with him even more.

When God brought me here, I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be. God knew, and there is no condemnation in my life for it. When I confessed my heart to Him about how it hurt to be so distant from Him, he reassured me that I was “doing just fine.”  I smiled in relief and accepted his grace in the moment.



Isn’t it funny how sometimes we expect so much from ourselves? I was feeling as if I should have done better and condemning myself for my lack of devotion. Yet, here GOD is, knowing where I’m at, knowing that it was where I was going to be at, and being completely full of grace. In the moment that I was talking to him about how sorry I was that I hadn’t made him my number one focus over the semester, I felt like I had failed him somehow. 



Here’s a thought: How do you fail God if you've allowed him to be 100% in control of your life? How do you “fail” a God whose affections you can never earn, from whose love is freely given and you never deserved in the first place? We are nothing without him and He continues to give His love freely. I don’t think there is any “failing God”. I think there is only receiving his mercy, grace, and love, or not.

I don’t believe in New Year resolutions because they rarely work. But this coming year, this is where I’ve been praying that God will grow in my life in order to stay strong in my relationship with him.

Constant Prayer

Anytime I begin to struggle with someone or something, immediately jump into prayer and thanksgiving for God’s amazing work in my life. Something I realized over my visit to Dallas last week: God knows what’s best for me. SURPRISE! But often I get into a place of pouting and questioning God’s character and his plan for my life.

“Why God, WWWHHYYY!!!!!”

Really? No, Clara, stop. Praise him, that though you don’t understand what is happening and why, God has a plan. God hasn’t failed you yet! He knows what’s best for you! Thank him! It’s amazing how thanksgiving and praise turns your spirit around. 


Teach me how to study to Bible

Frankly, I’ve never been good at studying. Often, I have a little bit of a reading comprehension issue. I get bored, zone out, give up. But I want to know the word of God in a new way. I need to know what the word says. I want to see the connections. So this year, I’m praying that I learn how to study.

Teach me how to be more disciplined
I can’t say I’m the most disciplined person. I know how to organize… I just don’t stay organized. Homework? Cleaning? Just overall responsibility and initiative. Yeah… More discipline please.

Also, there’s a book that the Lord put on my heart to write about Christianity, The Holy Spirit, and the Theatre Arts. I have all the resources I need to write it (actually in my back pack right now) that I’ve collected over the years about theatre history, acting, directing - all I need. But I have no idea how to approach and organize it yet. There’s so much information and so many questions about how to say it: Who am I talking to? How much to I expect my audience to already understand about the subject? etc. 
This is going to take a lot of discipline to study and work to make it happen.

Letting go

There are parts of my life that I have been trying to give to God, but feel that I’ve never really been able to 100% hand to him in faith. He’s bringing me through some eye opening trials and test this season that have shown me where I haven’t put him first in my life. I want those specific areas of my life to be given to him once and for all.


2013 - Thank you God for an AMAZING year! 
Your constant provision 
bringing me to NYC and getting me into Graduate school
Connecting me with Hillsong NYC and the amazing friends I have made there!



And here’s to welcoming in the New Year with God in charge! I welcome all that you have for me Lord, and I believe you have many good things in store for my life this year! And whatever actually happens with the list above is all in your hands. (It’s been said, “If you wanna make God laugh, tell him your plans!”) But I want to enter this year with you on my mind and in my heart. 




What are you praying for in your walk with God for 2014? 

I pray that you are blessed beyond measure with amazing stories to tell!